SelfTalk

(Photo Credit: SALOMON BYUMA)

“I am worthy”

“You are worthy”

Notice any difference in those 2 phrases? Imagine if you were repeating them to yourself in front of a mirror. Now do they sound any different? Do they make you feel empowered, or do you believe one phrase more than the other?

Using the pronouns “I” vs “You” in self talk can completely change the self-affirmation game. It just comes down to whether you speak to yourself in first or second person. Naturally when we think of self-talk we think to use first person language, such as:

“I am beautiful”

“I am loved”

“I am going to finish this project on time”

But the problem is, a lot of people don’t believe in themselves when they do this. Research has been done recently to find out why exactly we give up so easily on self-talk and affirmations. 

90% of us participate in using self talk. Studies have proven that when we talk to ourselves in second person, we are better skilled at letting go of distressing feelings, managing our anxiety, and we have a greater level of performance among peers.

Let’s start from the beginning, the place where we usually end up when diving into our most inner emotions, childhood. Research has found that “kids who can imagine and talk to themselves as a character or favorite superhero (who is) working hard persevere more than kids who focus on themselves”. (Walbert, 2019) Okay, makes sense. It is easier for a kid to imagine their favorite hero going through a problem because heroes always win. They know that in the end, Spiderman or Wonder Woman will defeat the bad guy and everything will be okay. So they imagine themselves as their favorite character to change their mindset and they believe that they can fight whatever stands in their way. Wow, kids are geniuses. 

Fast forward to adulthood, and you have a friend who always seems to be going through a breakup or life crisis every 20 minutes, what would you say to encourage them? You would use the obvious phrases:

“You’re beautiful!” and “You’re worthy of love!” because we believe that about our friends.

What if we applied that same principle to ourselves?

Okay stay with me here, this is the importance of speaking to ourselves in the second person. If you are facing an issue, and you don’t know how you will get through it. Maybe it’s work related, or family related, and your friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell them? You would encourage them! So now take what you would say to your friend, and say it to yourself.

“You will get through this.”

“You are stronger than you could ever imagine”

“You will be okay”

Feel any different? Speaking in the second person allows you to detach yourself from the problem at hand, and view it from an outside perspective. Research done in 2014, “has suggested that second-person self-talk enhances public speaking performance and reduces the associated stress, possibly because it enhances ‘self-distancing” (Hutchinson, 2019) 

Detaching yourself from the situation can also make you less afraid to fail. Think of this, when your friend is asking for advice, are you afraid for them to fail? No, so then why are you so afraid of failing? You only encourage your friends, because you believe in their highest and best abilities. Next time you are weighing something out, when you speak to yourself in second person it basically throws the fear of failure out the window. Don’t even give yourself the option to fail, because it’s not fair to you.

Second Person self-talk works best in situations when you are facing a difficult challenge and you need self-control or if you need a change in perspective. It allows for psychological distancing to emotionally remove you from the stressful or emotional situation that you are going through. In the end, it can help you to manage your stressors or anxious feelings in a more efficient and healthy manner.

Here are some of our favorite second-person affirmations:

“You were worthy then, you are worthy now.”

“You allow yourself to rest”

“You are you and that is more than enough”

“You are in the best place to grow”

So now what? How can we start to make the change to second-person talk? Next time you are looking in the mirror, change your “I am” phrases to “You are” phrases. If you are stressed and need encouragement? Picture one of your closest friends coming to you with this problem. Imagine they are telling you all the problems that you are dealing with right now, what would you say to them? How would you help them? Now take your response to them, and give it to yourself. 

It may seem weird at first, but after a while, we promise you won’t even notice that it’s different! Just a few words can make the biggest change in your mindset.

Would you like to find out for yourself? Purchase The Echo Deck here.

 

 

References:

Walbert, M. M. (2019, August 20). Give Yourself a Pep Talk in the Second Person. Lifehacker.

https://lifehacker.com/give-yourself-a-pep-talk-in-the-second-person-1837377502. 

 

Hutchinson, A. (2019, July 15). How to Talk Yourself Into Better Endurance. Outside Online.

https://www.outsideonline.com/2399632/self-talk-study. 

 

Bloom, D. (2019, June 5). If Affirmations Don’t Work For You- You’re Probably Doing Them Wrong. Medium.

https://medium.com/the-ascent/i-am-a-committed-writer-no-you-are-a-committed-writer-9da4e4da6e05.